In looking at the experiences of others, what we can say is that many who have formed romantic partnerships with former substance abusers have come to regret that decision immensely, while others have been able to establish satisfying permanent relationships with those who have successfully put their past addictions behind them.
So there really is no hard and fast rule here – but there are some things you should think about before getting more deeply involved with someone in recovery.
Some are serious, some are religious, and some aren’t; some are silly, outgoing, athletic, adventurous, and upbeat. I happen to be married to a sober dude, but this can apply to anyone who has a special sober someone.
Imagine if you’d lived a large part of your life one way, and then suddenly had to give up the thing you depended upon most.
Imagine if your long-standing set of habits had to be thrown out the window entirely and you had to live a whole new life.
That’s what your sober crush has done, and that’s brave as hell.
Addiction takes priority over everything – you, children, career, financial security, even one’s own freedom.
Before diving into a relationship, find out if your prospective partner is actively using drugs or alcohol, or if they display addictive or compulsive patterns in other areas (e.g., gambling, work, sex, food or spending).
In working with the spouses and significant others of addicts, I’ve often heard it said, “I’d rather be an addict than love one.” While few people would ever walk eyes-wide-open into a chronic disease like addiction, the statement speaks to the confusion, loneliness and despair common not only among addicts but also the men and women who love them. In fact, addicts who are solid in their recovery can make excellent partners.
All recovering addicts have certain triggers that could lead to relapse.
The other day, a single friend of mine lamented the fact that the guy she had a crush on was sober.“What’s wrong with sober men? She turned bright red, obviously forgetting that my husband hasn’t had a drink or taken a drug in over twenty years.
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