To me, being self-aware is the first step in becoming a successful dater, and ultimately finding the right person.
I think you'll be surprised by how much you learn about what you actually need and want out of a relationship when you first look inwardly rather than outwardly.
They want an easy life, and they make this clear, but this has nothing to do with being any good at solving problems or advising people. One of the give aways was that when you asked them what proves they are capable of helping others by being an agony aunt and/or being able to do accurate psychic email readings online they would say well my friends come to me with their problems and tell me all about it. And people are always quick to ask for free opinions, that means nothing. The majority of people who come to you for free agony aunt advice are not really wanting it at all, they just want to complain and get a sympathetic ear, they want someone to agree with them, they do not want you to work things out for them but to listen and you will be one of a dozen people they do this with.
If the complainer tells you that her boyfriend beats her up every day she does not want you to criticise himor to tell her what to do, deep down she knows all of this, she wants you to tut in the right places, make her feel better in the here and now. She may insist that he has promised not to do it again, or he pays the bills and she needs his money, but whatever the reason is it is up to her.
A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate—or maybe not.
All the observable and obvious clues: They are nicely groomed and wearing freshly pressed clothes—stylish, but not overdone. Should the relationship evolve, there will be plenty of time to get into weighty topics. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy.
Before we get to those, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse: Listen as much or more than you talk. Once upon a time, people actually met in real life to date.I know, what an odd and foreign concept…Dating apps have become the norm among Gen-Yers.When it comes to dating, it seems you can find hundreds of thousands of websites, books, and people offering their tips and advice.I've personally read and heard a lot of this advice, but what I think is the most helpful when it comes to dating isn't giving and getting prescriptions -- it's asking and answering questions. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast. This is torture.” She thinks, “Why doesn’t he ask me any questions? But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part. You could say that if they are not bright enough to advise others they are not bright enough to realise this and need me to point it out. Yet you could tell by the way they contacted me and the things they said that they knew they were inadequate. Because they tell me that they must be hired by this site as an agony aunt cannot get a job, they were fired from Mc Donalds for being inadequate and slow and turning up late all the time, they want a job that pays a lot more than that but where they can work from home and feel important. Wanting to fill the blanks when nothing is being said.Not one word about being a capable person, not one word about caring for others, it is all about them. It does not mean that they value your opinion or want to hear it.You have to admit it’s fun; the fact that you are, for once, allowed to judge people by their looks or your shallow first impressions is exhilarating.However, to be fair, I have met some wonderful guys online and wasn’t completely creeped out by them. We have been slowly removing the need for face to face interaction in almost every aspect of our lives, to the point that we don’t need it. I just included this because the answer is hell yes!